Day 78: Bleah

Unfortunately I tend to be easily overwhelmed. I think I must have slipped into a mini depression sometime overnight again. Woke up knowing that I had to skip. Constraints are the heat and other things I needed to do, so there really was a sense of urgency that I just kept putting to the side. So, I ended up procrastinating for about 4 hours. Not good.

Yesterday had a high point. Was told that I looked like I had lost tonnes of weight by someone I hadn't seen in a while. And a low-ish point: managed to swim for 32 minutes. I used to be a good swimmer pre-PCP. But my arms/shoulders just ached. Ended up having to do walks in the park and lying on my back and kicking. I also watched the clock. About every 5 minutes I looked up and it felt like forever. So where did my swimming ability go?

And today...... during my procrastination I watched Patrick's video. That was good. I also read his new blog message about those super fit people in ads. Then made the mistake of trying to calculate my body fat percentage. Input weight, circumference of waist, hips, wrist and forearm. Not good at all. I have 32% body fat. So I am obese. I feel obese now but this morning I was thinking mmmm my ribs are starting to show through and there are some positive signs. When I went to download the photos we took yesterday for photo updates I had to dive below the desk. They were dreadful. When did I develop cottage cheese tummy? And to top it all off I weighed myself this morning (and yesterday) and am still only 3-4kg down from the start. I would like to say that I didn't have that much to lose, but that would indicate that I live in fairy la-la land. So after this extended session this morning of beating myself up mentally I went for my skip in the blazing sun 34 degree at 1pm. MAD. But I just wanted to finally get it over. Got angry at myself for tripping as it just made me hotter.

Decided that since all the things that I was supposed to do today have now gone by the wayside (clearing up things in the house), I might as well try to breathe deeply, ease up off the mental accelerator and go with the flow. I will do my exercises later this afternoon and then when it is less hot I will take my lazy doggy for a walk in the park (not the other one which is a rambunctious puppy who gets to go tomorrow) . Need to wait for the heat to abate or her poor paws will burn.

So breathe deeply, blow it all out. Let the rancour at myself blow over. Go to bed tonight and hope that a goddess emerges tomorrow when we take the revised photos.